Poem: The Detroit Tigers Have a Positive Defensive Rating

May 12, 2014; Baltimore, MD, USA; Detroit Tigers third baseman Nick Castellanos (9) throws over to first base to get out Baltimore Orioles second baseman Jonathan Schoop (not shown) in the seventh inning at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. The Tigers defeated the Orioles 4-1. Mandatory Credit: Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports

Let us pop a champagne cork, for the Detroit Tigers have a positive defensive rating!

Let us drink from a goblet of supple conditioned leather.
Let us range deep into our cellar for the choicest of casks.
Let us partake until our coordination is no longer.

For the Detroit Tigers have a positive defensive rating.

Small samples be darned!
Do not behold the filth of DRS!
For, lo, only UZR is above reproach!

I say again, the Detroit Tigers have a positive defensive rating.

What are men if not the most magnificent catchers of balls?
What other cause have we to celebrate?
Who shall hinder our merriment?

For The Detroit Tigers have a positive defensive rating.