Replacement Detroit “Tigers” for the 2022 MLB Season

With little to no progress being made between the Major League Baseball Players Association and the owners, we unfortunately have another day of no Detroit Tigers Spring Training or MLB coverage for the Motor City faithful. At least we have Lou Whitaker’s number retirement ceremony to look forward to.

Therefore, I figured I’d get my Keanu Reeves on and sign up for some replacements. Now, of course, if replacement players were needed there are plenty of capable minor league and independent baseball players, but for the sake of this hypothetical, let’s replace Tigers with…well, Tigers!

Let’s start things off with the skipper!

Manager – Daniel Striped Tiger

Living in a clock (albeit one with no hands), this calm, collected individual from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood is the perfect mind to lead a group of Tigers through nine innings. While his mild mannered self may be a detriment when needing to fire up the group or argue with the umpire, Daniel more than makes up for that in being a great communicator and an even better listener. A great teacher to lead this new group of Tigers who can preach the need to keep trying and not give up when you fail at first. You know after a great play there will be “ugga muggas” to go around!

Starting Pitcher – The Exxon Tiger

What more needs to be said? Dude throws gas. Although there is an in clubhouse rivalry with Tony the Tiger, more on him later, both will put their differences aside once they have a three-way heart-to-heart with Daniel Tiger.

Closing Pitcher – Streex

The tiger shark of the group from Street Sharks, Streex gets the closing job because in order to close, you need to be a shark. I would put the clip of Alec Baldwin from Glengarry Glen Ross here, but I think it would be too jarring after following the “Ugga Mugga” clip. Work with me on this one.

Batting 1st – Tigger – Centerfield

This hotshot out of the Hundred Acre Wood league, Tigger would come over to the Tigers and be the bouncy, speedy leadoff hitter/centerfielder this club hasn’t seen in a few years. He’d be Ricky Henderson like in his ability to steal bases, and would definitely get under pitchers’ skin when he gets to first base. Besides, playing baseball could be what Tiggers do best!

Batting 2nd – Master Tigress – Third Base

A “Furious Five” tool prospect, Master Tigress has the quick hands and dexterity to manage the hot corner with precision, as well as be that calculated number two hitter who can place the ball wherever it is needed to move the leadoff hitter over, and deliver the big hit in the clutch. The master of the “Tiger Style” of Kung Fu seems like a no brainier here.

Batting 3rd – Tiger Woods – Shortstop

The winner of 15 PGA Majors, one of the best golfers of all time, is ready to tee the ball up and drive it over the centerfield fence for Detroit. Woods’ hand eye coordination is second to none, and that swing of his will only have to be tweaked a little to achieve success at the Major League level. Woods’ our athleticism and career success will no doubt have him carrying the team as the captain of the defense at shortstop.

Batting 4th – Tony the Tiger – First Base

A GRRREEEEAAAATTT choice to be the club’s power hitting “frost baseman”, Tony the Tiger has already shown he can embody the spirit of a ball player. He may also head up the MLB players union in the future if he follows the path of his namesake.

Batting 5th – Battle Cat – Designated Hitter

This Master of the Universe hero, Battle Cat, also known as Cringer, can carry the team on his back if need be. His power of strength will help the RBI spot in the lineup. Also, if the team gets into a bench clearing brawl, Battle Cat will defend his teammates against the will of the opponent.

Batting 6th – Shere Khan – Catcher

The devious villain from “The Jungle Book” Shere Khan is cerebral enough to manage a game and calculate the other hitter’s weaknesses. He is the purrrrrfect choice to be this team’s game caller from behind the plate. Don’t let him catch a glimpse of the radar gun, though, as the only two things Shere Khan fears are fire and man’s gun.

Batting 7th – Diego – Right Field

Diego is the lone saber-toothed tiger on the roster, and would find baseball something he could sink his very large teeth into. The ferocious hunter that he is, the “Ice Age” big cat would have no problem tracking down fly balls in Comerica.

Batting 8th – Tiger from Life of Pi – Left Field

A vision of survival instinct and perseverance, the Tiger from Ang Lee’s 2012 best picture nominated film gets the 8th spot in the lineup as the left fielder.

Batting 9th – Hobbes – Second Base

The playful and intelligent Hobbes from the beloved “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip, Hobbes just seems like a “Natural” to play the game. Hobbes would be a fan favorite and often be marketed to the kids as the player to be like. He may stink at math, but he would have no problem turning two.

Bench – Rajah from Aladdin

I mean, c’mon! How could we not include Jasmine’s loyal sidekick! Rajah is awesome, and would be a great pinch hitter when needed.

Do you think this team could be ready by March 31? I sure hope so. Come back baseball! We don’t need this to turn out to be the reality and Shere Khan is eating umpires or hot dog vendors in the first inning.