Former Tigers trade acquisition just sealed his MLB fate by signing with Rockies

The first major league trade Scott Harris made as Al Avila's successor was swapping starter Michael Lorenzen for Phillies prospect Hao-Yu Lee at the 2023 trade deadline. The Tigers were and are still very optimistic about Lee, who is expected to get a long look in spring training this year, but Lorenzen immediately made Detroit's front office look like fools upon arrival to Philly.

In his first home start on Aug. 9, he threw a no-hitter, the Phillies' first since Cole Hamels in 2015. He looked like he could've been exactly the rental the Phillies, who were fighting for a Wild Card spot at the time, needed to make another run at the World Series after their 2022 loss to the Astros.

But Lorenzen quickly fell off a cliff and posted a mammoth 8.01 ERA in the starts after his no-hitter. He's called a few other cities home since then — Arlington and then Kansas City — but on Wednesday night, Jeff Passan reported he'll be moving on to the place where pitchers' careers go to die: Denver.

Lorenzen signed a one-year, $8 million contract with the Rockies, with a $9 million club option for 2027.

Rockies sign former Tigers starter Michael Lorenzen to a one-year deal

You sort of have to give credit to Lorenzen – he's doing what it takes to keep his career alive. He signed a one-year deal with the Rangers for 2024 but was traded to the Royals at the deadline before going back into free agency. Before he re-signed with them, he toyed with the idea of becoming a two-way player to help the team get around the roster's pitcher limits. That (unsurprisingly) didn't work out, so he went back for one year and $7 million.

Bouncing from one small- or mid-market, non-contending team to the other on salaries that always seems to inch up isn't a bad way to make a living, and maybe Lorenzen actually has the hubris to believe that will defy the odds and pitch like a superhuman in Colorado. The Rockies do seem more serious this offseason, if the front office and coaching overhauls are any indication, but seriousness isn't going to change the altitude in Denver.

2026 will be Lorenzen's 12th season (and age 34 season) in the majors, so maybe he's just looking for a pretty place to close out his career. Power to him, but we can't see this going well.