Tigers in NYC, At Risk of Snake Bite


Zac Snyder has already addressed the rainy forecast for New York over the next week, perhaps the rain is a blessing in disguise for the Detroit Tigers and their fans.

As most of you are no doubt aware, the Bronx Zoo has recently misplaced a venomous cobra. And apparently a tortoise, but honestly who cares about the tortoise? Cobra bites can range from painful to incapacitating to lethal, which is particularly important to the Detroit Tigers due to their lack of depth at key positions. Even a minor injury to Cabrera or Verlander could be costly for us, so imagine the impact of a lethal injury? Measures must be taken to avoid snake bites at all cost.

Thankfully, due to the innovation of Twitter, the Bronx Zoo Cobra’s desire for attention has led it to reveal at least some important information about it’s habits and whereabouts. So, without further ado: 3 pieces of critical advice for the Detroit Tigers when visiting the Bronx.
1. As yet there has been no report of baseball-related cobra activity – the Tigers should be safe while at Yankee Stadium
2. The Bronx Zoo Cobra is making the most of it’s taste of freedom and big-city life by taking in prime tourist sites. Ellis Island. Wall Street. The Sex & The City Tour. The Tigers are advised to avoid tourist traps at all costs. This won’t be their only trip to New York.
3. The Bronx Zoo Cobra enjoys it’s morning Joe. Tigers players are advised to get their morning coffee in their hotel and head immediately to the stadium. If it becomes absolutely necessary to get coffee elsewhere, an expendable player should be sent, such as Don Kelly.