The WWE Royal Rumble: Detroit Tigers Edition at Tiger Stadium

What happens when you take your passion for the Detroit Tigers and the WWE? You write some fan fiction.

(Editor’s note: This is all fiction. With the lockout and all, Allen wanted to show his respect to Detroit Tigers legends while bringing to attention his love for wrestling. There is no malice behind this piece, rather, just having fun with combining sports entertainment and baseball-Rogelio)

Let’s get ready to……wrestle! Michael Buffer will definitely charge us if we say that other word.

It’s that time of year again! WWE’s Road to WrestleMania kicks off with the Royal Rumble, and we here at Motor City Bengals are putting our very own spin on it! Yes, that’s right folks, a Detroit Tigers themed Royal Rumble using Tigers players of the past, present and future! This is all in good fun of course, and none of the perceived “violence” is meant with any true intent.

For those unfamiliar, the premise of the Royal Rumble is such – Two wrestlers start the match, and every minute and a half or so a new wrestler enters the ring until there are 30 in the ring. At any point throughout the match, a wrestler can be thrown over the top rope, and if both feet touch the floor, they are eliminated. It’s every person for themselves. The prize for winning the contest is the main event of WrestleMania challenging for the championship of their choice. The prize here in this rumble is bragging rights. Here’s the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble if you’d interested in checking one out for yourself.

I apologize if your favorite player, or a player you think should be here, isn’t. There’s always next year!

This make believe contest is taking place in old Tiger Stadium, with Mr. Ernie Harwell himself on the call.

Detroit Tigers Entries 1 through 5

Detroit Tigers Entrant 1 – Justin Verlander

The future Hall of Fame player (hopefully in a Tigers cap) Verlander is a big name to get the crowd hyped as this kicks off. Verlander in this fantasy world is the ace member of the heel (bad guy) “Starting Five” alliance with fellow starters Mickey Lolich, Denny McLain, Jack Morris and Hal Newhouser.

Entrant 2 – “The Mechanical Man” Charlie Gehringer

Number 2 in at number 2. The Hall of Famer and member of the 1935 World Series title winning Tigers club gets a gigantic respect applause before he even steps in the ring.

The match kicks off and Gehringer surprises Verlander with some high-flying offense. Gehringer, always a quiet man, tears up at the chants of “You still got it!” from the Tiger Stadium faithful.

Entrant 3 – “Stormin” Norm Cash

“Stormin” Norm Cash enters at the three spot, which was his spot on the field as the first baseman for the Tigers in the 60s and early 70s.

Entrant 4 – Jack Morris

“Starting Five” stablemate of Verlander, Morris comes in and immediately helps JV out of trouble as Gehringer and Cash were trying to get him over the top rope in the corner. Verlander can take a breath as Morris delivers some big right hooks to knock down the other two men temporarily.

Entrant 5 – Curtis Granderson

“The Grandy Man”, as Yankees radio play-by-play commentator John Sterling would refer to him, is up next at number 5.

Detroit Tigers Entries 6 through 11

Entrant 6 – Denny McLain

A third member of the “Starting Five” alliance heads to the ring next, and the odds are even at three starting pitchers facing off with Gehringer, Cash and Granderson who have teamed up giving the circumstances. McLain is brash and yelling at the crowd on his way to the ring.

Entrant 7 – “Prince Hal” Newhouser

What are the odds?!?! A fourth member of the alliance heads into the ring next and the four on three advantage proves too much for the non alliance members as Newhouser is able to eliminate Norm Cash, followed by Verlander sending out former teammate Granderson. Gehringer puts up his fists and tries his best to stand tall, and after putting up a last ditch effort, McLain sends Gehringer packing.

Entrant 8 – Mickey Lolich

Lolich flaunts down to the ring, pretending he’s going to fight the four men in the ring, and they are laughing and literally rolling around in the ring. “Starting Five” now has full control of the matchup.

Justin Verlander grabs a mic and starts in on an in match promo. “I said it before and I’ll say it again. The “Starting Five” is the greatest alliance in wrestling history. Verlander, Lolich, McLain, Newhouser and Morris. Nobody entering this match from here on out stands a chance!”

Entrant 9 – Paws

The beloved Tigers mascot enters the fray. The “Starting Five” are howling at the threat, or lack thereof, that faces them now. Paws tries buddying up to the five starters, but is quickly thrown to the outside by McClain. Poor Paws.

Verlander picks up the mic again. “Just like that, folks! To quote the great Bill Goldberg, “Who’s next?”

Entrant 10 – Brandon Inge

Tigers fan (and New York radio all-time great Mike Francesa) favorite, Inge hits the ring and goes right for the top rope, landing a crossbody and knocking down all five starting pitchers. They recover quick, and Morris sends Inge out. The crowd boos mercilessly. No one can stop the “Starting Five”.

Entrant 11 – Kyle Sleeth

Yes, former first round, third overall starting pitcher Kyle Sleeth is entrant number 11. Sleeth of course never saw the major leagues, and Kyle, if you’re reading this, “I’m sorry, I love you.” Sleeth comes out decked in a Ric Flair style robe that reads “Top Prospect” across the back. Sleeth has a mic in hand. “Ladies and gentleman, it is I, the “Top Prospect” Kyle Sleeth! I am here to take my rightful place in the alliance of greatest Tigers pitchers. Suggested new alliance name – Six Man Rotation!”

Sleeth approaches the ring and climbs the steps to get in.

“Gentlemen, let’s go the distance!”

Sleeth reaches out his right hand, and after a brief huddle by the other men, Verlander nods and goes to shake Sleeth’s hand, but uses it to throw Sleeth into the ropes, clothes lining him out of the ring and sending him packing.

Detroit Tigers Entries 12 through 20

Entrant 12 – Jim Leyland

Crowd explodes as Jim Leyland hits the entrance ramp, complete in spikes and a cigarette. Leyland stares the pitchers down, throws the cigarette down and squashes out with his cleat. Leyland heads down, unafraid. Verlander pleading with him over the mic not to get in, he doesn’t want to have to hurt him.

Jimmy Leyland steps into the ring, and before he can do anything, Leyland motions up to the rafters as if to call to the bullpen. He taps his outstretched right arm, and Rob Deer enters from the crowd with a giant bat, and a shirt that reads “Chicks Dig the Long Ball.” Deer comes in via Sandman from ECW (I couldn’t find a NSFW entrance clip that would’ve hit the way it needed to, pun intended), and the “Starting Five” are shaking in their boots.

Deer enters the ring, goes to take a swing at the five, but misses wildly. His momentum from the mighty swing takes him completely over the top rope and out of the ring, eliminating himself from a match he never officially entered.

Sometimes managerial decisions don’t work out. For Leyland here, sending up the pinch hitter, didn’t. Deer is knocked out on the outside from the fall, and Leyland nods to the pitchers as he knows what has to happen next. Verlander himself sends his former manager over the top rope.

Entrant 13 – Mark “The Bird” Fidrych

The crowd goes nuts as Fidrych sprints down to the ring, in gear similar to that of the Ultimate Warrior. “The Bird” runs full speed into all five men, and finally is able to eliminate one of the the “Starting Five” taking out Newhouser. Jack Morris appears with a steel chair and knocks Fydrich upside the head, and McClain is able to pick up “The Bird” and sending him out.

The “Starting Five” has been weakened.

Entrant 14 – Miguel Cabrera

Miguel Cabrera has John Cena like abilities. Cabrera comes out in classic King of the Ring winner gear, to honor his Triple Crown win in 2012. Ten years ago, wow. Anyway, Cabrera sheds the royal wear and gets in the ring and destroys everyone. He gets the odds even fast as he clotheslines McClain and Lolich over the top rope at the same time. Next, he hits a huge power slam on Jack Morris and sends him out.

Verlander, a Triple Crown winner in his own right (as was Hal Newhouser in 1945) squares off with his longtime teammate Cabrera. Verlander doesn’t have enough as Cabrera hits him with a power bomb outside of the ring onto his stumbling alliance mates who have already been eliminated, and the “Starting Five” have officially all been pulled.

Entrant 15 – “The Georgia Peach” Ty Cobb

Cobb comes down to the ring with a gold baseball capped walking stick and wearing a suit jacket made of hundred-dollar bills. Very strong “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase vibes here. He strolls down to the ring, not rushing a step. He’s not looking to get right in there with Cabrera.

Cobb eventually gets in the ring and the two Tigers’ legends stare each other down as they do a slow walk around each other. The countdown clock reaches zero, breaking the tension.

Entrant 16 – Akil Baddoo

Somebody call Ebenezer Scrooge, because we are looking at Tigers past, present and future in the ring. Baddoo, the young upstart outfielder and author of one of the coolest rookie seasons in Tigers’ history, hits the ring and goes right after the two megastars. Dropkicks to Cabrera and Cobb show Baddoo is unafraid of the legends before him, and gets the action going again.

Entrant 17 – Travis Fryman

My all-time favorite player gets a spot in the rumble. The former Tigers all star joins in the action as the ring starts to pile up.

Entrant 18 – “El Brujo” Willie Horton

“Willie The Wonder”, Member of the Tigers 1968 World Championship team, Horton joins the madness. Fun fact – Horton was nicknamed “El Brujo” which means “The Wizard” because he took the last-place team the previous season to first and winning the Caribbean Series championship in 1979.

Entrant 19 – Kirk Gibson

Another Tigers legend and current broadcaster Kirk Gibson comes out, limping to the ring the way he did around the bases as a member of the Dodgers after hitting his mammoth home run in the ’88 World Series. Gibby is a fan favorite.

Entrant 20 – Bill Freehan

Freehan is a member of the “Catching Heat” trio alongside “Pudge” Rodriguez and “Big Wheel” Lance Parrish. Freehan is the first member of the team to join in the festivities.

Ty Cobb has been getting beat up, and tries to buy Freehan’s protection in the match by waving a hundred-dollar bill in his face. Freehan declines, shoulder blocking Cobb down on the mat.

The last four Detroit Tigers still standing

We are down to the final four participants – Miguel Cabrera, Ty Cobb, Al Kaline and Hank Greenberg.

Hank Greenberg goes to lift Kaline out, but “Mr. Tiger” grabs onto him with a headlock. Greenberg gets Kaline over the top rope, but Kaline hangs on for dear life, graduating pulling Greenberg over the top rope himself. Eventually Kaline gets him all the way over by not letting go, and Greenberg’s momentum sends him to the floor, and back to the locker room.

Cabrera eyes Ty Cobb. Cobb is freaking out. Cobb is offering hundreds, throwing them at Miggy who doesn’t care. Miggy finally chases Cobb down and is about to throw him out, when Cobb hits Miggy with the dastardly low blow. Cobb’s cane yet stops another superstar in his tracks. Cobb tosses Miggy out by lifting from his knees, and Cobb has yet another elimination via foul play. Miggy is furious on the outside.

Down to Kaline and Cobb. Cobb approaches Kaline with all the confidence in the world. Kaline is ready to go though and hits Cobb with a wild combination of arm drags and hip tosses. Cobb is rattled but reverses a charging Kaline by flipping him over the top rope onto the apron. Cobb goes to use his walking stick to hit Kaline, but Kaline jumps and kicks it out of his hand onto the floor. Miggy, who is walking away following his exit from the match, sees it land in front of him, and chucks it into the stands away from a visibly upset Cobb into the stands. Crowd goes nuts and Miggy exits getting the last laugh on Cobb.

Cobb is on his last ditch effort. He checks his pockets, and he’s out of hundred-dollar bills. He goes for the handshake to Kaline. Kaline looks around to the crowd who repeatedly chant “No!” Kaline steps back and puts up his hands to say this is a fair fight from here on out.

Cobb gives in and the two lock up in the middle of the ring. Cobb grabs a headlock, but Kaline sends him to the ropes. Cobb rebounds and Kaline hits the mat, forcing Cobb to run over him. As Cobb heads back towards Kaline, Al drops him with a picture perfect dropkick – Dolph Ziggler style. Yes, I’m a Ziggler die hard, so he gets the reference here.

Cobb shoots up into the corner and Kaline is there to hit him with a Stinger splash. Kaline lifts Cobb up to the top rope. Kaline goes to push Cobb over, but Cobb rakes the eyes sending Kaline back. Cobb hits a Jimmy King Crown on Kaline, and the babyface Mr. Tiger looks all but defeated. Cobb laughs as he picks Kaline up, but Kaline gives every bit of strength he has to life Cobb up into a fireman’s carry, and send him over the top rope.

The crowd goes wild as Ernie Harwell announces the winner of the Detroit Tigers Royal Rumble. “Mr. Tiger” Al Kaline.

Well if you stuck around for this entire post you are a mensch. Thank you! I am a baseball and wrestling fan through and through, and I’d love to know how you’d book the Detroit Tigers Royal Rumble in the comments.

Enjoy the Rumble, and enjoy Detroit Tigers baseball!