Today is May the 4th, also known as Star Wars Day, and the Detroit Tigers are the worst team in baseball. That’s all the excuse we need to have a little fun and dig though the history books to find the most Star Wars-sounding names in Tigers history.
Star Wars has been a pop culture phenomenon for more than four decades. It’s an epic story of the struggle between light and dark. But maybe you aren’t big on space fantasy and don’t know what a Star Wars name is. That’s fine!
We could explain them, but it’s best to just list a few characters from the franchise and let your powers of pattern recognition do the rest:
Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Biggs Darklighter, Jek Porkins, Wedge Antilles, Ima-Gun Di, Droopy McCool, Elan Sleazebaggano, and Salacious B. Crumb.
In any event, this is mostly an excuse to have some fun and research older Detroit Tigers players, so we’ll be leaving out more recent players with strong Star Wars names, such as Akil Baddoo, Yorman Bazardo, Jair Jurrjens, and Tarik Skubal.
Now, on with the nonsense!
Detroit Tigers Star Wars Names
Real Life: Spent 12 years pitching in the majors, including a 20-loss season in 1933, and a solid 1944 campaign in Detroit when he was 39. He doesn’t look like a Boom-Boom.
Star Wars: A Gungan assassin hired to kill Jar Jar Binks.
Real Life: Left-handed pitcher who spent 20 years in pro ball, but only three seasons in the bigs, all with the Detroit Tigers.
Star Wars: A Besalisk X-wing mechanic with indigestion.
Real Life: Had a solid 15-year career, and ranks first all-time in pitcher wins for the Detroit Tigers, with 223.
Star Wars: A famed Imperial sniper known for hitting nearly 3% of his targets.
Real Life: Played just three games for the Detroit Tigers in 1902, but became a legendary scout who signed solid Star Wars names like Hoot Evers, Hal Newhouser, and Dizzy Trout.
Star Wars: Imperial pilot who thought he could fly a TIE fighter with no training. He could not.
Real Life: Center fielder who posted an underwhelming 77 OPS+ for the Detroit Tigers in 1930.
Star Wars: Garbage collector on Lotho Minor. Once punched Darth Maul.
Real Life: Spent parts of five seasons pitching for the Tigers. Led the majors with 108 walks in 1944.
Star Wars: Celebrated Jizz-wailer.
Real Life: Played pro ball for a decade, but appeared in just one MLB game. Threw a scoreless inning for the Tigers in 1915.
Star Wars: Onderonian resistance fighter. Once ghosted Saw Gerrera’s younger sister.
Real Life: Spent his first three years with the Tigers before being traded for Billy Martin. Won a World Series with the Yankees in 1958.
Star Wars: Star Destroyer captain. Crashed multiple ships, but his father was a First Order admiral so he kept getting chances.
Real Life: Pitched in nine games for the 1929 Yankees, and two games for the 1934 Tigers. Finished with a career 5.85 ERA and 16 walks to just 2 strikeouts.
Star Wars: A droid-repair droid prone to fits of existential angst.
Real Life: Had a decent run with the New York Giants, then finished his baseball career with four outings for the Tigers in 1921. Went on to become a moderately successful oil baron.
Star Wars: Your basic Eadu nerf herder.
Real Life: Made 31 starts for the Tigers between 1937-1938. Was popular for his eccentricities, but enjoyed drinking, eating, and sleeping too much to have a lengthy career.
Star Wars: Kowakian monkey-lizard eaten by Jabba the Hutt. He was delicious.
Real Life: Played just one big-league season, posting a 4.97 ERA for the Tigers in 1921, but hitting .407 and knocking in seven runs in 27 at-bats.
Star Wars: Bartender who slings that good blue milk.
Real Life: Debuted with the Tigers in 1910 and managed to give up nine home runs in 130 innings (the top power hitters that year hit 10 homers). His middle name was Vivian.
Star Wars: Aspiring pod racer shunned by his family after losing to a literal child.
Real Life: Pitched for 11 years, and walked more batters than he struck out in 9 of them. Traded to Detroit for other Star Wars characters Lu Blue and Heinie Manush.
Star Wars: Jedi youngling who accidentally bisected himself with a lightsaber.